They walked down a hall. It was a featureless hall. No doors on the sides, no decorations on the walls. Straight and bland. Jack’s arms swung at his sides. Venus held her briefcase on her right, though her posture implied that the thing was weightless.
“Planets, huh?” Jack asked. “Never been to Mars before. Sounds like a good time. Will there be oxygen?”
Venus didn’t respond.
“I’ll bet humans don’t even need oxygen to breathe. I bet your people made that up. I mean, really, invisible gases floating through the air that you’ll die without? Yeah right. Crazy what people will believe. And DNA! How the heck does that stuff work? And… And quantum physics! How could I have fallen for that one! It simply doesn’t make a bit of sense!”
Venus still remained silent. They came to the end of the hall, which appeared to be a blank wall. No, there was a little button in the center.
Venus pressed the button.
The wall slid upward, revealing a little box inside, like an elevator that wanted to be a car. But when the door opened, there were two little sofas inside.
“Have a seat,” Venus said, with only a hint of a gesture.
Jack sat across from her. “Neat place.”
The door shut, and the tiny room descended. Or maybe it rose. It was hard to tell. Jack tapped a rhythm on his pants, waiting. Venus could’ve been a statue in front of him.
The walls fell away, or perhaps they simply vanished, and they were suddenly hurtling through a dark space. It was possible that they’d left Earth completely. Jack kept up his rhythm, trying to remember the name of the song he had stuck in his head. He wondered if Venus had written it herself.
Now Jack was sure that they were falling. He was pretty sure he’d seen this in a video game, when you fall out of bounds into the infinite space beneath the level. He hoped Venus hadn’t gotten lost.
Their little sofas started to decelerate, and they were suddenly fading into another space, a room full of electronics. They’d landed right in the center of the place. Enormous computers were in every direction. The room might’ve gone on forever.
“So what’s the deal?” Jack asked, entirely unfazed.
Venus frowned at him. “You aren’t the first human of your kind to come down here.”
Jack’s eyes lit up. “Really? I can’t imagine. What happened to them? You killed ‘em, right?”
She was still frowning. “Normally during that trip, people burst into tears, or at the least they start screaming.”
“Eh,” Jack said. “None of it mattered much to me.”
Venus stood. “This is a worse case than I thought.”
He led her through the room. None of the computers were doing anything. In fact, the entire space was silent. Jack had the sense that none of these electronics actually did anything. Venus was just trying to impress him, no doubt.
“So where are the planets?” Jack asked.
They turned a corner, because suddenly they were at the end of the room, and there were multiple armchairs in a conference room ahead. Men and women were in each chair, except for two.
Venus sat amongst the others. They were all dressed the same. They all had the same briefcase.
Only then did Jack realize that the other unoccupied chair was essentially facing the rest like he was about to be on trial. “Hey guys.” He sat lazily, one leg draped over the right arm of the chair.
“You have violated the simulation,” a man said.
“Yup, sure looks that way.” Jack looked side to side, then stuck out a hand. “Jack. Name’s Jack. But you already knew that, am I right?”
None of them moved. “We are the programmers,” a woman answered.
Jack retracted his hand. “No kidding? I figured as much. Now, tell me this: If she’s Venus…” He pointed at one of the women, but they all looked so alike he’d managed to forget which was Venus. “…I suppose that makes you Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, and so on?”
“Correct,” a man said.
Jack grinned. “And which one of you poor saps got stuck with the name Uranus?”
“I did,” said a man.
“He had the name before the planet,” a woman explained. “We created the concept of planets in this world, naming them after ourselves.”
Another man added, “It was a joke to make the word Uranus funny in the English language. To our coworker’s detriment.”
“Ha ha!” Jack said. “Of course! I can tell you guys all have a great sense of humor.”
“Yes,” a woman said. “Any simpleton who pays attention to current events must realize that.”
“So what was the deal with Pluto? What happened there? Is he a planet or not?”
“I am,” a man responded. “I am Pluto. I briefly left the development team to work on a personal project. But I have returned, and regained my status as a planet.”
“Trying your hardest to fill the plot holes,” Jack said, nodding. “Gotcha. Gotcha. Sounds like you made a real mess of things.”
“Any severe problem can be corrected through reprogramming,” a man said. It might’ve been Uranus who spoke, but they were so hard to keep straight. “We will perform a software update if it becomes necessary.”
“Was that the whole Y2K thing? Man, what a laugh! Except nothing happened. Same with 2012.”
“Those were not software updates,” a woman droned.
Another woman elaborated, “Typical updates result in eliminating problems, through the use of earthquakes or hurricanes.”
“Wow,” said Jack. “That’s really dark. Tough luck for those folks.”
His comment was met with silence.
“So which way am I going out?” he continued. “Tornado? Tsunami? Maybe a basic car accident. Ooh, can you have me die from a piano falling on my head, like in the cartoons? I always thought that’d be a real wacky way to go.”
“You are going to kill me, right?”
“We will not be killing you,” a man said. “We were… impressed by your attitude.”
“That,” said Jack, “is the opposite of what I thought you were going to say.”
A woman told him, “The scientists of this world have made incredible advances in astronomical research. We were considering… adding another planet.”
Jack froze. “Another planet. Do I get to pick the name? Or is it just going to be called Jack? Honestly, that’s a terrible name for a planet. I don’t know if you have the same perception of how the names sound, but it simply wouldn’t do.”
His words went unheard. A man in the very center of the planets reached behind his armchair and retrieved a briefcase, one that perfectly matched his own. One that perfectly matched everybody else’s.
“Please consider our request,” he said. “Including a programmed human in our team would provide us with interesting perspectives. It may help us achieve the purpose of this simulation.”
Jack’s eyes lit up. “Oh, the purpose? And what is the purpose of this simulation?”
“It’s simple,” a woman replied. “We want you humans to create a simulation that is even more powerful than your own. That is why we sparked the computer age.”
“Does that seem like the best idea?” Jack asked. “I mean, do you people think that your world, one layer above this, is in a simulation too?”
“But what if that’s their goal? What if they invented you so you would invent this simulation? And now you’re just using it to make another one! Is this one even more powerful? Seems awfully recursive to me.”
“Infinitely deep simulations,” a man said. “Infinite power.” He extended his arm, passing him the briefcase. “Please consider our request.”
Jack took the briefcase, uneasy. “Oughta be fun,” he muttered.
“Look inside, and you will see your controls,” a woman said.
“Controls?” Jack clicked the clasp, a very satisfying click, and opened the briefcase up.
The contents were beyond anything he could’ve imagined.