I’ve been living with a really awful guy for a long time now.
His name is Body.
Body is not easy to live with. Body has constant demands, and never wants to do anything that I want to do. For example, let’s say that I want to get some writing done, and type something up for the blog. Oh, but Body doesn’t feel like it. Body refuses to type anything at all.
Sometimes Body creates interruptions. I’m in the middle of something, and Body suddenly decides that it wants to go to the bathroom. Okay, fine, it’ll just take a few seconds. So I go to the bathroom, and then I get back to work. Thirty minutes pass. What’s that, Body? You say that you have to pee again? That’s ridiculous!
Body is impossibly needy. One minute he wants food, another minute he wants something to drink, and for so many minutes he just wants to do nothing at all. And for somebody that doesn’t want to do anything, Body is very against the idea of sleeping.
It’ll be eleven or so at night, and Body will get tired. So I say, fine Body, I’ll play along. I’ll go to bed. But no, no, no. The moment that I’m in bed, fickle little Body changes his mind. Now I’m wide awake. So… do I get back out of bed and keep doing what I was doing?
Body isn’t very good at doing the few things that I ask of it. Every once in awhile, I’ll be trying to speak, and Body will completely misinterpret what I’m trying to say. Occasionally I’ll be talking and Body will take my words and make them derffle zerp blep, which is really nothing at all like the sound I was trying to make.
I sneeze more often than the average person. I’ll sneeze once, and Body will just roll with it, and not stop sneezing over and over. Body answers to nobody. Body is uncontrollable. Body is unstoppable. Body really likes to sneeze for some reason.
And hiccups. Honestly, what is Body even going for when he does that?
One time Body decided to catch a cold during finals week. Actually, that one happened twice. Body’s immune system doesn’t bother working at inopportune times. What fun would that be?
Maybe Body is really just a downright funny guy. What a prankster, right? It’s like a sitcom. One poor guy is trying to live his life, but scheming, devious ol’ Body steps in and messing things up every time. On next week’s episode, Body makes him spit everywhere when he’s talking to an attractive girl.
Sometimes I get mad at Body. Sometimes I decide to go to war. Whenever Body wants to do something, I do the opposite. You want to go pee for the fiftieth time in one day? No, let’s not. Let’s make Body wait. Body wants to sleep? Ah, but I know this ruse. You’ll stop feeling tired the moment that I lay in bed. Instead, I’m going to stay up later!
Ha, I’m such a genius.
Now who’s the stubborn one?